For my father. If I haven't told you I love you today, I do.
This is very, very important that I get absolutely perfect. I'm planning on giving this to my father someday soon, and I'm also going to be presenting this during a college art show. So, naturally, any critique would be very much appreciated. The form of this is really a triptych (three columns side-to-side), with the idea that each stanza is an image "painting a picture with my words," but I couldn't really make it look how I wanted here on DA. You're going to have to do your best to imagine it, sadly.
~-I tried to weave in a small theme of being “lost.” Is it even noticeable? Does it help make the last line stronger?
~Is the tone of the language consistent? Is it too flowery in some places, and too straight-forward in others?
~How much of the story can you understand? Should I try to clarify it?
~Finally, the theme of this piece is supposed to be “hope.”Is that something you feel when you read this? How prevalent is this in the piece?
For the WrittenRevolution, my critique is here: [link]
[EDIT] I just wanted to add that I gave this to my father today. He loved it. Thanks so much, everyone, for the wonderful feedback!